The Kindness Of A Mother

According to the Filial Piety Sutra, there are ten types of kindness bestowed by a mother to her child:

1. The kindness of providing protection and care while the child is in the womb.

While the foetus is growing in the womb, the mother nourishes the baby with her own body, and carry the burden of a heavy tummy, bearing the backache and pain that comes with it. The mother withstands the morning sickness, sluggishness and drowsiness from the body hormone changes without complaint and talks to her baby with love. 

2. The kindness of bearing suffering during birth.

The pregnancy lasts for then months and the mother withstands the morning sickness, sluggishness and drowsiness from the body hormone changes without complaint. She looks toward the day of holding her baby in her arms. During birth, she experiences fear and anxiety (especially in the olden days when medical care was limited) and the pain of giving birth when the head of the baby appears. There is always danger during giving birth as both mother and child may need emergency interventions.

3. The kindness of forgetting all the pain once the child is born.

On the day of birth, the mother’s five organs are all open wide, leaving here totally exhausted from labour and birth. Yet, upon holding the child in her arms, she is smiling with joy and all pain is forgotten.

4. The kindness of eating the bitter herself and saving the sweet for her child.

A mother always serves her child first, saving the best morsel for the child. If there is scarcity, she feeds and provide for the child first, and will go hungry and needless herself. Her kindness and compassion here are deep, only wanting the child to get his/her fill, and she doesn’t speak of her own hunger/suffering.

5. The kindness of keeping the child dry while lying in the wet herself.

The mother will always protect her child from cold and hunger. She is always mindful of her child’s comfort, and seek no solace for herself.

6. The kindness of suckling the child at her breast, nourishing and bringing up the child.

The kind mother is like the great earth. The stern father is like the encompassing heaven. One covers from above, and the other from below. The kindness of parents is such that they know no hatred or anger towards their offsprings, and are not displeased, even if the child is born crippled. After the mother carries the child in her womb and gives birth to it, both parents care for and protect it together until the end of their days.

7. The kindness of ensuring the child is clean and healthy.

The kind mother acts solely for the sake of her children. She washes their filth and keep them clean, and is not afraid of the filth nor smell. She spends her time caring for her children and does not mind that her beauty and appearance diminishes.

8. The kindness of always thinking of the child when he or she travels far.

Death of loved ones is difficult to endure, but separation is also painful. When the child travels far, a mother never stops worrying.

9. The kindness of deep care and devotion.

Willingly parents undergo suffering on their child’s behalf. If the child is hurting, the parents are uncomfortable. If the child travels far, they worry each night. Even a moment’s pain suffered by their sons and daughters, will cause the parents sustained distress.

10. The kindness of ultimate pity and sympathy.

The kindness of parents is profound and important. Their concern never ceases until the end of their lives.

Your Parents’ Great Kindness and Virtue

When you were conceived, your mother carried you in her womb for ten months. She suffered all the discomfort of pregnancy, and at the same time, strived to nourish you in her body. When you were born, she underwent the pain of giving birth. When you entered the world, she continued to nourish you from her body by breastfeeding you. She cleaned, fed and took care of you as a helpless being. 

Both your parents watch over you from the day you were born. Your parents are the ones providing with you essentials; instructing and guiding you in the ways of propriety and morality to the best of their capability. As you grow into adulthood and gain your independence, they continue to look out for you as they trust you to write your own story, make the right decisions, do the right thing and succeed in life.

Filial Piety

"Honour Thy Father and Mother so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth." - Ephesians 6:2. This commandment from the Bible is akin to the filial piety concept which forms the Pillar of the Chinese family structure, where the filial values are seen in many other ethnic cultures across the world as well. The principle behind the Chinese Culture Filial Piety is that for everything children have received from their parents, children have an eternal obligation towards them.

Whether we are children or full-grown adults, we owe our parents that we are here in this life. In this respect, it is hard to repay the deep kindness, love and compassion of our parents. While to do so does not mean to tolerate abuse, or obey mindlessly, we should be grateful and understand our parents’ efforts in educating us is always in their best intentions.

“Few of those who are filial sons and respectful brothers will show disrespect to superiors, and there has never been a man who is respectful to superiors and yet create disorder. A superior man is devoted to the fundamental. When the root is firmly established, the moral law will grow. Filial piety and brotherly respect are the roots of humanity.” ~ Excerpts from the Analects of Confucius

How Can One Repay One's Parent, Especially A Mother's Kindness and Virtue?

A valuable lesson to remember is that we, as human, all fall short. We will make mistakes that we thought we would never make. Our parents are no different in their parenting ways. So learn to forgive their shortcomings, just as they forgive us for our shortcomings and all the hardships and pain we bring them. One thing I am certain of, after being a parent myself, is that our parents’ love and care never ceases. Hence, we should reciprocate and be grateful and kind not to hurt our parents’ hearts.

So, How Do You Honour Your Parents?

Filial Values We Can Practice

1. Mind our manners towards our parents:

• Do not be arrogant or rude.
• Greet them respectfully when you see them.
• Speak politely to them.
• Be mindful of the negative aspects of their characters but do not focus on them.
• Speak well of them and pray for them.
• Be humble in our actions.

2. Care for them in their old age:

• Express love and care for the love and care they provided us when we were a helpless child.
• Support and provide for them. Ensure they have enough to eat and use, and are healthy and well. 
• Take time to keep in touch with them and let them know what is going on in our lives.
• Visit them often if they do no live with us.

3. Make them proud and happy:

• Stay out of trouble.
• Study hard.
• Be a good person.
• Be successful and happy.
• Look after your spouse and children well to maintain a harmonious family.
• Speak well of them.
• Give them credit for your strength and values.
• Seek their wisdom.

4. Obey and serve them:

• Listen to what they have to say.
• Be conscious of their instructions and what they are trying to teach you. 
• Show respect even when you do not agree with them.Although we can never truly repay our parent’s kindness and virtue, and our parents would not expect us to do so, we can certainly try our best to do so. 

Although we can never truly repay our parent’s kindness and virtue, and our parents would not expect us to do so, we can certainly try our best to do so. There is so much more we can do in little ways if we can be thoughtful and mindful in our conscience. Can you think of more?

Story From Buddha

The Buddha told Ananda, "When I contemplate living beings, I see that although they are born as human beings, nonetheless, they are ignorant and dull in their thoughts and actions. They don't consider their parents' great kindness and virtue. They are disrespectful and turn their backs on kindness and what is right. They lack humaneness and are neither filial nor compliant."

"For ten months while the mother is with child, she feels discomfort each time she rises, as if she were lifting a heavy burden. Like a chronic invalid, she is unable to keep her food and drink down. When the ten months have passed and the time comes for the birth, she undergoes all kinds of pain and suffering so that the child can be born. She is afraid of her own mortality, like a pig or lamb waiting to be slaughtered. Then the blood flows all over the ground. These are the sufferings she undergoes."

"Once the child is born, she saves what is sweet for him and swallows what is bitter herself. She carries the child and nourishes it, washing away its filth. There is no toil or difficulty that she does not willingly undertake for the sake of her child. She endures both cold and heat and never even mentions what she has gone through. She gives the dry place to her child and sleeps in the damp herself. For three years she nourishes the baby with milk, which is transformed from the blood of her own body."

"Parents continually instruct and guide their children in the ways of propriety and morality as the youngsters mature into adults. They arrange marriages for them and provide them with property and wealth or devise ways to get it for them. They take this responsibility and trouble upon themselves with tremendous zeal and toil, never speaking about their care and kindness."

"When a son or daughter becomes ill, parents are worried and afraid to the point that they may even grow ill themselves. They remain by the child's side providing constant care, and only when the child gets well are the parents happy once again. In this way, they care for and raise their children with the sustained hope that their offspring will soon grow to be mature adults."

"How sad that all too often the children are unfilial in return! In speaking with relatives whom they should honour, the children display no compliance. When they ought to be polite, they have no manners. They glare at those whom they should venerate, and insult their uncles and aunts. They scold their siblings and destroy any family feeling that might have existed among them. Children like that have no respect of sense of propriety."

"Children may be well taught, but if they are unfilial, they will not heed the instructions or obey the rules. Rarely will they rely upon the guidance of their parents. They are contrary and rebellious when interacting with their brothers. They come and go from home without ever reporting to their parents. Their speech and actions are very arrogant and they act on impulse without consulting others. Such children ignore the admonishments and punishments set down by their parents and pay no regard to their uncles' warnings. Yet, at the same time, they are immature and always need to be looked after and protected by their elders."

"As such children grow up, they become more and more obstinate and uncontrollable. They are entirely ungrateful and contrary. They are defiant and hateful, rejecting both family and friends. They befriend evil people and under influence, soon adopt the same kinds of bad habits. They come to take what is false to be true."

"Such children may be enticed by others to leave their families and run away to live in other towns, thus denouncing their parents and rejecting their native town. They may become businessmen or civil servants who languish in comfort and luxury. They may marry in haste, and that new bond provides yet another obstruction which prevents them from returning home for a long period."

"Or, in going to live in other towns, these children may be incautious and find themselves plotted against or accused of doing evil. They may be unfairly locked up in prison or they may meet with illness and become enmeshed in disasters and hardships, subject to the terrible pain of poverty, starvation, and emaciation. Yet no one there will care for them. Being scorned and disliked by others, they will be abandoned on the street. In such circumstances, their lives may come to an end. No one bothers to try to save them. Their bodies swell up, rot, decay, and are exposed to the sun and blown away by the wind. The bones entirely disintegrate and scatter as these children come to their final rest in the dirt of some other town. These children will never again have a happy reunion with their relatives and kin. Nor will they ever know how their ageing parents mourn for and worry about them. The parents may grow blind from weeping or become sick from extreme grief and despair. Constantly dwelling on the memory of their children, they may pass away, but even when they become ghosts, their souls still cling to this attachment and are unable to let it go."

"Others of these unfilial children may not aspire to learn, but instead become interested in strange and bizarre doctrines. Such children may be villainous, coarse and stubborn, delighting in practices that are utterly devoid of benefit. They may become involved in fights and thefts, setting themselves at odds with the town by drinking and gambling. As if debauchery were not enough, they drag their brothers into it as well, to the further distress of their parents."

"If such children do live at home, they leave early in the morning and do not return until late at night. Never do they ask about the welfare of their parents or make sure that they don't suffer from heat or cold. They do not inquire after their parents' well being in the morning or the evening, nor even on the first and fifteenth of the lunar month. It never occurs to these unfilial children to ever ask whether their parents have slept comfortably or rested peacefully. Such children are simply not concerned in the least about their parents' well being. When the parents of such children grow old and their appearance becomes more and more withered and emaciated, they are made to feel ashamed to be seen in public and are subjected to abuse and oppression."

"Such unfilial children may end up with a father who is a widower or a mother who is a widow. The solitary parents are left alone in empty houses, feeling like guests in their own homes. They may endure cold and hunger, but no one takes heed of their plight. They may weep incessantly from morning to night, sighing and lamenting. It is only right that children should provide for ageing parents with food and drink of delicious flavours, but irresponsible children are sure to overlook their duties. If they ever do attempt to help their parents in any way, they feel embarrassed and are afraid people will laugh at them. Yet, such offspring may lavish wealth and food on their wives and children, disregarding the toil and weariness involved in doing so. Other unfilial offspring may be so intimidated by their wives that they go along with all of their wishes. But when appealed to by their parents and elders, they ignore them and are completely unfazed by their pleas."

"It may be the case that daughters were quite filial to their parents before they marry, but they may become progressively rebellious after they marry. This situation may be so extreme that if their parents show even the slightest signs of displeasure, the daughters become hateful and vengeful toward them. Yet they bear their husband's scolding and beatings with sweet tempers, even though their spouses are outsiders with other surnames and family ties. The emotional bonds between such couples are deeply entangled, and yet these daughters hold their parents at a distance. They may follow their husbands and move to other towns, leaving their parents behind entirely. They do not long for them and simply cut off all communication with them. When the parents continue to hear no word from their daughters, they feel incessant anxiety. They become so fraught with sorrow that it is as if they were suspended upside down. Their every thought is of seeing their children, just as one who is thirsty longs for something to drink. Their kind thoughts for their offspring never cease.”